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Tumbang Preso (meaning, knock down the jail) is a game of arrests and escapes where each player's life
chances depends on the toppling of a tin can watched by a tag who plays guard.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

BLOGSHOT: One on the IDP

















There’s no fool-proof listing and validation system to protect aid agencies from those they seek to save and serve. Outsider’s help can only do so little, and come too late.



Almost ninety percent of the evacuees in Maguindanao and Cotabato have either returned to their places of origins or have resettled. Or so representatives from the local government units in these provinces say.

That should be good news because among other things, that means that they will be able to go back to tilling their lands, to say nothing about being able to cast their votes in the forthcoming national elections next month.

Does that also mean that there is no reason for emergency relief organizations to linger in conflict-affected areas and there is no reason for welfare groups in Mindanao to continue to exist?

That's rather so impertinent a joke. There is the better alternative, which is to evolve. In the first place, isn’t this big racket called the civil society movement a product of adaptation, of self-preservation aka evolution? Help is always good and welcome we have to keep it coming.

Because disasters never leave anyway, and that’s one wonder with backwoods politics. And in Maguindanao you can bet that it didn’t leave with Army men being redetailed to Apari and other far-flung islands in the north. My sense of it is, if the massacre of 58 people in Shariff Aguak underwrites anything aid-related, it’s the necessity of good governance projects in the ARMM. That should be enough to keep us busy in the peacedev circuit in the coming years, if conflict-related issues and climate-change related damages will not.


Days back, I was talking with Sammy, a Moro cadre I used to know. The last time I saw him he was in some peace caravan that sent thousands of that rebellious mass called Bangsamoro people on to the roadsides in support of the aborted MOA-AD between the Philippine government and the MILF. Now he looks a deflated bag of resentments, and not just against the traitor government which cannot do better than all it can, but against about everyone, including me.

He doesn’t like all this pacifism, he said, all this developmentalism, this welfarism. It misleads the Bangsamoro people, giving them wrong notions, such as that their salvation is in the hands of other people, or that people in government are there to give them the political solution they needed to solve their problems, or that relief agencies and kaffir-run development organizations will provide for them.

Nice take that. Except that we were the both of us part of that which we speak against, no matter how we leak on the sides.

Going around evacuation centers in the thick of armed hostilities between government forces and the MILF was depressing. Going around relocation centers on the heels of emergency response and relief work is even more depressing.

In Batulawan, Pikit, in Cotabato Province, you won’t see any remains of the evacuation sites as the roadside areas are now being plowed and prepared for planting. There is even no signage indicating that Oxfam’s disinfectant WaSH project (for Water Sanitation and Hygiene) was ever there except for the four latrines standing clear white and shining at a distance from the road, a pair at each place. The roofs and walls have been ripped down or taken away, probably to make a good wall or roofing, a way to get back at what had been done to houses that survived the bombing and burning.

Right after the July 2009 declarations of SOMO and SOMA (suspensions of military operations and military activities of government and MILF forces, respectively), barangay leaders monitoring the demographics in the evacuation centers claim that male population suddenly rose. By male population they mean those in the above 18 age range. At the height of the armed hostilities, they say, only the elderly men and the very young boys went with the women and the children to hand themselves over to relief workers, the implication being able-bodied men must have enlisted to the armed defense of the aborted MOA-AD, the agreement delineating Bangsamoro ancestral domain.

Aid and emergency relief workers also like to volunteer the information that when they were distributing medicines, they had the impression that at certain times, everyone was complaining about the same symptoms and that even old men and women who otherwise were not ill, would be telling them they had fevers and chills and cough and cold and all sorts of ailments that had nothing to do with aging bones and joints or worn out lungs, which they took to mean that the epidemic of fevers was elsewhere. Some days, they say, they had good sense enough to feel generous and let the evacuees collect all the bottles and boxes of medicines they could get from them even if they knew they were being conned, but most of the time, they just felt helpless, captive to their supposed beneficiaries’ demands.

Relief distribution is never easy, true, especially so when the aid workers were Christians who could not even understand any Muslim dialect and have so little sympathy for that war which made of some people “IDPs”. Well, later, thanks to affirmative action aka good governance, aid agencies made sure that they hire more Muslim professionals to mediate, interpret and manage or co-mage for them relief projects, but of course that did not stop the perceived cheating. When you only get to the evacuation centers during relief distribution conveyed by chromed vehicles and you don’t even spend the night there, you wouldn’t know the next thing about the labyrinth of blood relations and their interlocking directorate of needs and mutual assistance. There’s no fool-proof listing and validation system to protect aid agencies from those they seek to save and serve. Outsider’s help can only do so little, come too late, as those with more will always get twice or thrice as much than the neediest and the poorest IDP family.

Whenever I can, I never ask those with less than I have questions like So what do you need how may I help you. Two decades of aid work can only do so much harm to people so that the best and the worst of them must have smartened up enough to make them prepare a long list long for you to go over. From frying pan to mosquito nets to farm tools to houses and chicken heads and goat heads and draft animals and seed capital for livelihood. That much you owe them for they know that they are the politically and commercially viable IDPs, that f---ing coinage that drew many a bleeding heart and many a fly. Like this 27-year old Grade school dropout who owns a motorbike that ferries NGO peace builders with receipts to wield in and out of so-called interior villages. My, his family is collecting little houses in every relocation site! His mother has one in Datu Piang in Maguindanao, he himself has another house to his name in Rangaban in Midsayap, North Cotabato, and my guess is, his father (who is the smarter ass between the two of them) has also another house in Bakayawan in Pikit, North Cotabato, where the family originally hails from.

“Kawawa talaga ang mga IDPs Maam,” he keeps on repeating to me. I wish I could tell him I have no pity for IDPs like him and actually want to yank him off the driver’s seat and run away with his bike, if I didn’t know that their own idea of rebellion happened to have evolved to just that: to take as much as they could from the kaffirs playing peace makers in their accursed country, the same kaffirs who made good money and good salaried work out of their fucking IDP status.

Relief money, says a municipal disaster coordinating council officer, is sliced in half at the top, in the provincial level, divided again in the municipal level and down to the barangay level so that by the time it gets to the evacuees, so little is left to be distributed among them. One barangay captain who got so little that he had to make do with occupying a vacated ceasefire monitoring bunkhouse was so furious at all the anomalies that he proposed a stop to all relief work. I pity him. He seems helpless against all the cheating and stealing in all places, and his own barangay “intruded” with “false residents” and false shelter claimants who don’t stay in one place, busy as they are with chasing after where the newest Food for Work project is.

I am exaggerating, of course. Because these men aren’t really false victims. In fact, their houses had been burned down or dismantled, their roofs and wallings converted into Army quarters, the floor and boards made into firewood. They are legitimate IDPs, for sure, and if they keep on moving around staking shelter and land claims here and there, it’s probably because none of these are permanent rights. It’s a way to get around the mercy mission of aid agencies.

What they do is so much like the ancestral domain racket that some Lumad leaders have made good business of: recruiting their relatives now resettled in towns or working as wage earners in plantation economies or sugar factories in other provinces to pad the populations of ancestral domain claimants in their turfs by rewarding them with a portion of the ancestral domain claim territory, never mind if the claims will just be forever just that: bloody claims.

All this sucks, Sammy claims. It is misleading. It draws the Bangsamoro people away from the path of struggle.

Of course it misleads. And that’s the idea. To mislead and to misable.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Nudes and Poetry






















On being warned by your poet-friend that I will rip
you off and will make of your bones fodder to my wars


No, darling. That’s not true.
Rip is such a light word to tell what these claws can do to you.
If only you‘re tough enough to be carcass and prey,
If only you’re kind enough to let me be.

I will pluck your eyes.
I will open your rib cage and
take out your heart and make pulp
fiction of it. I will publish
your white hair and your nails and
your uterine walls. I will hang your white breasts
by the highway and will tell every passerby that
they’re mine, they’re mine! And will share them with
no one. No one. Not even with you.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

A report from the South















On the other hand,
I’m doing rather well.

I pull weeds;
I break soil;
I spike stones;
Rocks turn.

I hack wood;
Fire crackles
And hisses
At my face.

I climb hills;
Balancing pails and pails of water;
Stooping under low roofs;
Stepping over felled trees.

I see sky;
Jetways cutting across furrows of blues:
A world getting away by itself without me.

There are nights when I think stars;
You galaxies away;
Your friends hanging on trees;
Puppet witches with plaster-white feet.

Mornings find me on the horizon;
Dibble in hand;
The sun on my brow;
In my heart a wedge:
Happiness dammed.
You standing there;
Mortal;
Looking like you don’t know me.

How I want to tell you:
Here things grow.
Here the earth changes;
Here I live.



19 July 2008
Pagadian City

Two women walking




















Pakikiraan


Pa’no kaya kita
kakausapin
nang walang
sinasabi,
Walang hinihingi,
Walang minumungkahi,
At walang dinaramdam.

Nais kong maging maingat
sa aking pagdaan;
Manabi-tabi,
Ituring kang
Isang ilang na lugar.

Tahimik na susubayin,
At buong galang na
Iiwanan;
Hahayo nang walang galit,
Walang gustong nakawin,
At walang ni anong
Dadalhin.


05 March 2000
Davao City

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I do not write loneliness




















I do not write poems. Not with the directness of the sun in any desert. Not with their scorching absolutes; their blinding truths. I shut my mind in. There in the dark where I will not be found out. No laser beams to shine on my ugly sides. The gnarled roots of my existence: dried remains of a carcass that was once my body. The same one that was once possessed of a heart and a brain pecked on by vultures wearing the clothes of friends.

Of lovers I have no memory. Only strangers come to lounge at my table and bed for rest and conversation. Strangers who, content, then discontented, went back to spouses children dogs estates.

There would be mornings when the mirror reflected a pretty thing. Tall. A surprised look upon her face. A shimmer on her hair, curly behind the ear and cropped just so and ever undone. The skin glittering soft. Too thin too young to look all those lived years. The long bitter days. It was just the right amount of light coming in through all the windows. The same sunlight would by and by cut through the same face and breasts and bleed the hand at the table and all the unguarded places.

I no longer hold my life any more precious than I would the fishwife’s next door. Her eyes! Popping out of their sockets as she stands sideways to watch me scratch dirt. Bent on the low stool I made. Knees apart. Splayed toes crawling out of hiding. Dibble in hand. Wedging in thin stalks of sweet potato into cement-laden earth.

There would be salvaged lines yet. A long time hence when the bones shall have crumbled into dust. For now I hold soil reclaimed from among packed sand and gravel layered over clay. Boon and bane of the reconstruction years when cavalries of revolutionists subdivided into couples and families and moved into apportioned lots and corners the size of a cow’s dunghill. Fenced in. Gates grating as people sneak in and out of each other’s lives.

I converse with cats and fishwives. Sneaks from hell! This one, come lately, is starchy with gossip. She likes to stand askance as I crouch hacking at the coconut with a bolo she walked the roundabout way from her kitchen to my side of the fence to lend. On other days I would have wielded a cleaver at her face like she were finished cadaver. That she is. But today I let her have her way. Look the terror that she felt as I whacked and cracked open the shell in the palm of my hand to reveal before her staring eyes and open mouth not the hoped-for-milk but rotting flesh. It spilled through my fingers like pus on a leper’s stump alive with worms. The same godforsaken nut the househelp back of my fence threw into my debris-laden garden. She must have been told by that hereabouts what they cannot eat up as young meat is salvaged to be squeezed dry for milk.

The couple she serves are second-lifer Catholics. Their two children in private schools. In their youth they tracked mountain trails tubao-strapped, knapsacks on their backs. Told the peasants the story of The Foolish Old Man. Taught the students about the life of Norman Bethune. Their kitchen window my unwalled fence curtained and screened from where noises rise on early mornings without sleep. The clatter of cups and dishes wake me on days without coffee or bread, their own hunger days of corn grits and cassava tops dipped in vinegar and salt now riverbeds away. A gauntlet to keep poverty off their children’s way. Their days at the barricades and the purge they escaped a closed book unfit for the young to read like men’s magazines hidden in the attic or kept under the bed. The clip-clopping of my typewriter’s keys and the heavy falls of books on the floor horsehooves and gunshots warping their time zone.

Their goodly neighbor has a son whose father they hid from her. She was a contemporary, a Gabriela cadre once now making a living balancing checkbooks and padding cash receipts for multi-donor NGOs peddling peace. Her brother she would like me to marry. Ask him to sleep in your bed on days that you’re away, she liked to tell me, better to keep the house safe and you have free-service security! The brother himself thought so well of himself by me having been asked once to fix my door and bedroom window for a cup of coffee and a little fee. He mistook my wood-hacking ways as female industry soliciting male company. She herself must have thought he was more than good enough. Could strum the guitar and belt out a Don McLean on top of his peasant origins, just like me, to say nothing of his time with the people’s army. It was an honor otherwise well-bestowed, I being by then a has-been writer-activist whose last caller was a taxi-conveyed married-looking fag with a grocery bag.

Why don’t you sleep with your pathetic brother? I found courage to say to her one day. Her chicken eyes blinked at me, only then suspecting butchery. Now she wouldn’t part with a hundred and would rather ask her househelp to trust me to repay a pinch from their laundry money. Some mornings of digging dirt her brother would perch atop their evergrowing fence to heckle me with spittle. Pthwak! went his sticky charge. He would spit every after looking my way.

I hack and stab at buried rocks.

I saw you at a party. You stretched there
like a cat, all sinews, your laugh
Skyward, the garden a kingdom captured.
“I do have summer affairs,” you proclaimed,
In answer to a query about your years.
I saw vermillions flying. Houses crumbled.
Churches keeled over. Your brother looked at me.

He took us to his new house. You monk-like
Heading the procession. The ladies did their number,
Gushing here, pointing there. We trooped to
His bedroom upstairs, candles in hand
The canopied bed lying white and speckless
In the middle of everything. With no doors to lock
And no walls to turn to after making love.

I saw a woman going mad. Hiding among legless gowns
Hanging in the cupboard spiked with shoes.
I saw her counting abacus at the study table with no books.
I saw you kissing your sister-in-law. Your white
Little fingers on the side of her face, your lips
An inch away from her mouth. I saw her turn
Tender. Saw in her moonface the spread of a thigh.

Poet. Everybody calls you a poet.
And you can’t even get out of those your little feet!
In my sleep I hear them pitter-patter close behind me
As I ride the avenues from block to block
Aboard my weatherbeaten oversized shoes.
How your brother looked at me
He handed me my two-hundred dollar typing fee.
I would not do, would not do, his eyes said.
For him or for you.

Rapunzel by boy artist


A prayer from Marilyn Knight














Dear God, don’t let me be a martyr, even if
that means I have to be a bitch. Help me not
to do my duty, help me not to apologize.
Help me not to look back, I don’t want to turn
into a pillar of salt.