Mama Doesn't Know

photo: j.cuevas





Mama didn’t know! She thought I was asleep! I was closing my eyes like this and she took me for asleep! And then she left!

To work! She was going to work! There in the city. In the big city! When she makes money she will come back. And then she will take me with her. We will ride a boat. And I will see big buildings. Tall buildings! Taller than trees!

No! Mamma will come back. She will come back! We will go to the plaza and we will fly kites! You know? Mamma’s kite snapped! It went like this… Tog! And then it dove. Weeeeeng. Hi-hi! My kite didn’t fall! It fought the wind! Mama didn’t keep away from the wires. Poor Mama. So her kite got caught!

You know? When she comes back? We will go to the beach! We will swim! She will teach me to swim! Mama taught me to swim! She bought me a floater! Come! I’ll show you. Here! Floater! She bought it from the big city for me! So that I won’t sink! But I couldn’t swim! I kept on falling into the sea. When Mama comes back, she will teach me to swim.

No! She will come back! She said she will come back when she has money, and I will go with her. To the city! No! Lola Tiaga will let me! No! She won’t get sick! She won’t die! She won’t cry! Noooo!

I don’t like it here. Kitkit always hurts me. Auntie Bel always screams. Mama doesn’t scream. You know? Auntie Bel has a new baby. There in their house. It’s so small! It has very small hands! I watch it everyday so mosquitoes won’t bite it. I cradle it! Like this! It doesn’t like being cradled. It keeps on slipping to the floor. It cries. Auntie Bel smacks me. She gets mad and then she slaps me.

Next Christmas, Mama will come back. Next Christmas! She will buy me a pair of shoes. No! Mama will come back! No! She won’t marry! She won’t! It’s bad! Baaad! Noooo!

You know? Uncle John has a new wife. And you know who his new wife is? It’s not Auntie Bel! He brought her here when Auntie Bel and Kitkit were at Lola Saling. Lola Tiaga cried. She sent them away. Uncle John’s new wife cried.

You know? Auntie Bel and Uncle John fought. Uncle John hit Auntie Bel. Here. In the belly. Kitkit cried. He fought Uncle John. He bit his shirt. Like this. Uncle John pushed him. He fell against the wall. When Kitkit grows up? He will kill Uncle John. Kitkit’s nose bled. His head hurt. I don’t like Uncle John. He hits Kitkit all the time.

Auntie Bel took a knife. She stabbed Uncle John. He ran away. He jumped down the ladder and ran away. Lola Tiaga was angry. She threw Uncle John’s clothes out of the window.

You know? Auntie Bel’s legs bled. Here! We took her to the hospital. Lola Tiaga said she would have died. Then she will kill Uncle John.

Mama will send me to school. She will have plenty of money and then she will send me to school. You know? Auntie Bel mortgaged our farm. Lola Tiaga told me. She got sick. She got mad with Auntie Bel and now she wouldn’t talk. Now Auntie Bel always screams. She screams at me and screams at Kitkit. Now, Kitkit would not talk to me.

I will go to Mama. Mama doesn’t shout. You know? Mama kissed me before she went away. I was closing my eyes like this and she fixed my blanket and then she kissed me. And then she left! She closed our door and went down the road. She thought I did not know. She thought I was asleep! But I was awake! I was awake all the time and I was watching her! I saw her lift her heavy bag and I saw her leave! But Mama didn’t know! She doesn’t know!