You cram yourself in in people’s already cramped lives. They say they don’t mind it’s okay but you know that they know that you know and that any moment the taut rope of friendship will snap. You take a deep breath so that you need not smile up at people, because the moment you do you will begin to spin lies and there’ll be no stop to it. At the corner of your eye you see a lover coming into the horizon and you wish she came at another time. But know that it had to be at this time. When you have nothing left of you to show. When you are stripped of everything you own and lay claim to. Work. Political beliefs. A rented house. A warm stove.
She leaves as soon as she arrives. And you crawl back up to people you cursed a hundred times before. You don't look back. You know it's just you dragging your intestines behind you you will see. You look at your friends' faces instead. They stand askance, never facing you. You pretend not to see the hate in their eyes. They make a joke to make light of it. You can’t laugh. To laugh is to be bought back.
You harden yourself some more.
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