i have been light years away from this post.
the last two three four months it's been jolo mostly.
for what i don't know.
they say there's nothing there to do.
they say there's nothing there for me.
i say there's nothing there for anyone, even for mary.

people who think i am a great loss to commerce or wherever there is life and work and talents are needed order for me to evacuate. get out of jolo. there's nothing there, no social development will happen there in the next day weeks months years decades. they think i am into some delusional leftie adventure.

i just think, oh you don't know me. see you later. see you there.

some days it can really get baad. and i tell myself what i am doing is cleaning after the litter the doggie has left at my doorstep. it is a job i never relish. i remember lia. i was in davao, walking someone else's doggies every morning in exchange of free lodge while looking for a job. lia said you go speak to mac because mac then was dean of the humanities and close to the ncca guys the ones who held the strings. i said they are my murderers! why do you ask me to go to them! she was piqued. said then go walk someone else's dog every morning for the rest of your life you fuck.

i miss lia. i miss people who think well of me.
i miss people who wish me well.

happy new year lia. happy new year tita. i miss moira.
happy new year moira.

yesterday, i went around town. this old lady she said to me. what are you doing in here this is taboo here you do that in manila but not here!

i feel like doing a run up the hill a la maria van trappe. how good it is to be so tabooed! but just the same it scared me because just a week back mary said to me, they will come after us, too. not right on, but they will, one day.

i like talking to mary. i like talking to people who do not make so much of themselves, not even knowing they got intellect the board room intellects do not have.

some intellectuals I find scary. always book quoting and God dragging. there’s something specious about em.

i am right because God is on my side. suppose God were not on their side? what will hold them up and hold them together?

i don't want to be a political saint. 

i just want to be a saint.